Blind Man
A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog.

When the blind man reaches the centre of the bar, he snatches the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around and around.

The bartender speaks up and says "Hey what the hell are you doing?"

The blind man says, "Just taking a look around"

Submitted by: Onjolie
Address : Isleworth,Middlesex
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Photo of a Wife
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.

The bartender says: "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replies: "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

Submitted by: Sandesh
Address : Sadobato
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This is why I didn't show up for work yesterday.
I was cleaning out my wife's grandpa's cellar and found 12 bottles of his home-bottled grape wine under the steps. My wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I agreed to do the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork form the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle, did likewise, and drank one glass, just to check the taste to see if the old fellow knew his wine making. He did.

I then opened the third bottle, and poured it, too, down the sink, but not until drinking one full glass to check the purity. It was very good. I did this, also with the fourth bottle. One glass for myself, and the rest down the sink. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork from the bottle, then corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other, which were 29, and as the house came by I counted them again, and finally had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I felt so foolish that I couldn't go upstairs and
congratulate my wife to tell her what a great winemaker her grandpa was. I will
do that after climbing the basement steps the next time they come by.

Submitted by: Johnny Walker
Address : USA
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I spat.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to
go to loo. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it
saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and
there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"

Submitted by: xioguru
Address : London
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Stop drinking
A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left.

This continued daily for several weeks. Curious, the bartender asks him one day,

"Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?"

The man answers, "Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and

since they've both passed on, I've continued to order the three shots in their honor."

The bartender thought this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man

every time he visited the bar.

Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots

of whiskey. Surprised, the bartender asks him why he only ordered two when had always

been ordering three. The man answered, "Oh, I've decided to stop drinking."

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